The Last Message You Leave
When filming palliative care patients’ life stories, I savor the gleam in their eyes and the joy in their voice as they recall a life well lived. Near the end of our recording time, I ask them if they would like to leave a personal message or offer life advice to anyone that may watch the film. Some shy away, but most patients are eager to leave a heartfelt message.
When they look into the camera and start speaking, it is a very emotional time…for both of us. Even though I just heard a condensed version of their entire life, I did just meet them hours ago. Yet, it is still overwhelming and touching to hear them speak sincerely, from their hearts, to what may be their last, intentional spoken message.
Which put me into whirlwind of deep reflection - what would my last message be? How would I sum up a lifetime of love and experiences into a single message? How can I put my love for my family into words?
When listening to these seniors bearing their souls, they are not thanking their employers or boasting about job accomplishments. They are not bragging on about their possessions. Or ranting about regrets or grievances.
When revealing their raw vulnerability for their family (with a complete stranger behind the camera), I find these messages come down to 3 important life concepts:
Love
2. Happy Experiences
3. Authenticity.
They are showing gratitude and concern for their family, wanting so desperately to translate a lifetime of their love into words. They are wishing for the best life experiences in a pursuit of passion for their grandchildren. They are doing all this in their own true selves, stripped from any fake personas or conformity in order to please peers.
These wonderful folks only had a few seconds, really, to come up with a meaningful message. Here’s how we should start working on our “last message” right now;
Love. Life is a precious gift of time. So who we spend our time with and how we spend this time is in direct relation to our overall happiness in life. Keep your family priority. Choose your friends wisely. Live your passions.
Happy Experiences. If you haven’t already come to realize, it’s life’s experiences that shape us and create our most treasured memories which, also, make for great conversation. Not possessions. Who wants to hear about your new TV or latest gadgets? Yawn.
Authenticity. We spend our teenage years ‘finding ourselves’. At this age, it is so hard to not have peer pressure and society’s expectations muddy up our introspect on our own wants, desires, and preferences. The unfortunate news is that it doesn’t end in high school. It continues long after…we spend years and years seeking validation from everyone. We base our value on other people’s perception of us. Isn’t it ironic how we never really do find ourselves until (much) later in life? That is when we finally know our heart desires and it doesn’t have to be what everyone else thinks it should be.
My favorite quote from The Velveteen Rabbit sums this discovery up nicely: “Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
So start now - wherever you are in life- live life to where your heart is calling you. Don’t wait for your eyes to drop out and your fur to become shabby ;).
Life is a precious play of time - where we cannot press replay or rewind. We have one life, one final message. What will be our message? Start working on it everyday. Love fully. Hold family close. Do things that bring you joy. Just be you.
If you would like to have a loved ones message (and life story) recorded, visit this page for more info.